Mind the Yap

You know what the best thing about cycling to work is?

Is it the feel-good way I start my day, getting into the office with a baby endolphin rush? Um, no.  Maybe it’s using the showers at the gym instead of getting cleaned up at home ... more spacious stalls, I don’t have to wash towels, and I see more naked strangers than in my flat. Nope. It’s not the sense of freedom or speed.  It’s not even missing being squished into rude/stupid/lazy wankers commuters who won’t move into the center of the train, even when there’s plenty of room.

It could be all that and more, but it’s not.  The best thing about cycling to work is the panicked look on pedestrians’ faces when they think they’re about to be run over by a simple cyclist in a helmet that looks like he put a pineapple on top of his head (or so I was told at the office today).  

These idiots just pop out of nowhere ... darting into my path from in between stopped buses and taxis like a giant whack-a-mole game turned on its side. And then, once the fear passes, seem incensed that a peddling passerby might be sharing their space.

For instance, this chubby chavette on today’s morning trek, yapping on her cell phone mobile, dodging across the street between stopped cars (that didn't stop too close to each other, otherwise she clearly wouldn't have fit), pops through a break between vehicles, not paying a lick of attention to me (or others) coming down the road in a designated cycle path.

“Ding, ding.”  I hit the gay little bell that came with my lindo locomotion. She jumped, then looked at me with a combination of disdain and disbelief ... still blathering into her Nokia, “yeah but no but yeah but no, I’m gonna get run over by this git with a pineapple on his head.”

Alas, I didn’t run her over.  Didn’t want to run the risk of bending my rim so early in the morning (because twisted rims are so much better in the middle of the night, right?). But I did shake my head, muttering, “careful, dear” as I zipped past.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll carry a mallet and see how many points I can get.