Tools for the Tools

Dear Ye Olde Bathroom Sharer,

While I’m certain that your mother does not frequent the toilet you use at work, I can’t help but believe she would be horrified at your behaviour.

To wit:

1. It seems that some of you have a hay fever problem, or perhaps some other sinus-related malady. It also seems that some of you don’t know what to do with your non-member holding hand, while standing at the urinal. I might suggest, dear YOBS, that picking your nose is not the preferred action in this circumstance. One hand holding your cock, one hand up your nostril … it’s just not pretty.

If you must pull out the dried remnants of a cold / cocaine binge … then at least flick it in the urinal (I know, some of you already do) and don’t wipe it on the wall. There is plenty of tissue and paper towels (usually) in the gents, so you could in fact blow your nose before/after the slash and then wash your hands.

2. Here’s another topic not to be sneezed at — explosive diarrhea. Look, I know, shit happens. But that doesn’t mean you need to leave the unfortunate remnants of your nights out with Stella and a curry-in-a-hurry in the bowl for subsequent YOBS.

I’m willing to wager you all take a quick look to see if the bowl is clean when you come into the stall. Is it so hard to repeat the process after you’ve flushed (most) of your business down the drain? If you see something there's a more than you'd like to start with, then I suggest a simple tool. It’s called a toilet brush. It works fairly well … especially when the mess is, um, fresh.

It’s just a little courtesy, YOBS. I’m certain you don’t act like this at home. And if you do, then I suggest:

a) it’s no wonder you can’t get laid
b) you’re mother/wife/partner is a saint
c) you need to pay your housecleaner a lot more

Please don’t make me call your mother.

Kind regards,

b