Learning from Art

Here are some things I learned at the Tate Modern's Kandinsky: The Path to Abstraction exhibit yesterday.

• No matter where you stand, someone will inevitably walk right in front of you and block your view.
• Odds are, this person will either be a pensioner or from the Far East.
• The Tate Members Room doubles as a newborn mother's club. Screaming children and breast feeding are compulsory.
• School is back in session, and everyone's on a field trip to the Museum all of a sudden.
• Some of the schoolgirls have to wear the WORST uniforms. They look like the dresses that women put into mental institutions in the '50s would be forced to wear.
• If you have a 7-year-old blonde dwarf in your house, you simply MUST pierce his ear shove a much-too-large diamond cubic zirconium in it.
• Art teachers are the coolest.
• For every kid sitting on the floor sketching his heart out, there's another one slumped onto a bench wishing he could sneak out for a fag.
• No matter how cool the exhibition is, the people in the gallery are the real art.
• When standing in a room watching all the people, try not to stand with your back to the painting they're all trying to look at.
• When you find a really compelling person to look at, try not to stare.

Oh, and I guess the most important lesson of all ... no one will think your elaborately planned pun is as funny as you do.