Losing My Cool

We were strolling through Potential New Neighborhood this afternoon, timing how long the walk was from Potential New Flat to Potential New Tube Stop. A couple blocks into the adventure, Larry said, "Well look who it is."

Expecting to see someone I knew, or maybe the estate agent, I turned to see Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter pushing a stroller with a toddler in tow.

Being the epitome of non chalant coolaciousness, and being well-versed in the rules about casually ignoring celebrities (especially in their own spaces), I immediately beelined towards them and said something to the effect of, "Hi we saw Sweeney last night at BFI and thanks so much for the talk afterwards it was a great production and you probably don't remember but we've met before it was after a play I did several years ago at La MaMa in New York you were in the audience it was a show by Tony Ingrassia remember him and he introduced us after and do you live in the neighborhood because we're thinking of moving here just down the road in fact and my name's Bob by the way and this is my partner Larry and I 'm sure you don't recall but I was the one who played a twisted doctor who cut a woman's breast off on stage with a straight razor so I thought it was funny what with all the straight razors in Sweeney which we really really enjoyed it's a fantastic film congratulations to both of you ..."

He offered one hand (while holding on tighter to the pram with the other) and said, "Yes, right, nice to see you again" as they all kept walking and pushing the baby away from the rambling American madman.

A few blocks later I realized I talked pretty much mainly to him (since we'd already met albeit a decade ago and he'd probably never gotten my bloody mastectomy out of his mind) and, OH NO I didn't specifically complement HBC on her performance, which, in all honesty (and without an iota of star-fuckerdom) I thought was brilliant.

Maybe we'll become neighbors and I can tell her at the housewarming. I'm sure they'll want me to babysit.

And that was just one tiny little stop in my day aboard The Crazy Train™.