Bets Off for a Royal Flush

So we (we being me, him and his lovely bride — whose wedding I had the pleasure of being a part of nine years ago today, Happy Anniversary to them) were wandering through HRH Liz's central London digs this afternoon. I was left with a few ponderings ...

• Where are all the bathrooms? The beginning of the tour says there are something like 93 bathrooms in the Palace, yet none were pointed out to us. They've got it set up for a state dinner and tell us about the dishwashing but not where the royal guests go for a slash.




• What's behind all those hidden doors? And where do Wills and Harry sneak off to for a quick bump? 'Cause you know they do.




• As we walked down the Minister's Staircase, the audio guide reminded us that HRH is Queen not only of Great Britain, but of 50 some-odd other countries, and "she's visited virtually all of those countries." How'd you like to live in one of the few countries that your Queen couldn't be arsed to make it to in the last half century?




• Just before that, the audio guide told us we'd see a carved polar bear, a gift from native Canadians. I was expecting to see a giant sculpture, but it was just a table ornament. A lovely table ornament, nonetheless, but nothing overwhelming. "The Queen is then obliged to give a gift in return, just one of her many Queenly duties." So what does one give to a foreign subject in exchange for a local artisan's craft? And does the Queen have a roomful (behind a hidden door?) of "oh thank you so much for the lovely [insert object d'art here], here's a little something I have for you."

At the end of the day, it was a lovely tour (although the bum's rush out the back garden couldn't put you in a more inconvenient location). Thanks Your Majesty, we had a blast.

Tags: buckingham palace, hometown tourist, royalty